Looking in the Mirror

Every other Tuesday morning I go to Mom2Mom at my church, Bethel, in Crown Point. I was really nervous when I first signed up for it and some days....it's still hard for me to suck it up and go. I am fairly outgoing but get very nervous when I am out doing something "on my own" and not with one of my select few very close friends or husband. There is more to come on this particular topic later in this blog but I digress.

Every single time I go to Mom2Mom I am so blessed by either the scriptures read, the speakers, or the other moms in my group. I absolutely love going! Jenzey goes to her class and plays for 2 hours with kids her age and I get to have some breakfast (and actually eat it!!) with other moms near my age who are going through the same stuff that I am.

This past week we had a couple come in as our speakers. Kendra Smiley and her husband John write books and do speaking engagements around the country. They were absolutely wonderful! They primarily speak on marriage relationships and parenting. They covered a couple different topics while at m2m that I found incredibly valuable.

• Kendra & John discussed the importance of a priorities list. And not only that but actually putting those priorities in place. I try very hard to put my husband and my daughter at the top of my list. When I'm honest with myself, I don't always put God in the #1 slot which is where I list him at. I have an "other good things" category. Kendra described these as being involved in serving at church, volunteering, friends, etc. I have a tendency to put those things above my God and sometimes my family. That was a topic that was a bit difficult for me to choke down.
• Kendra also talked about evaluating yourself and finding your flaws so you can fix them and not let them negatively effect areas in your life. I am keeping this point in my blog vague on purpose because it's not really a topic I like to discuss or am comfortable with. I think the way you are brought up has a HUGE impact on who you are as a grown, functioning adult. I see how some things have impacted me in a very negative way and I now carry those burdens into my adult life. I didn't really notice those flaws until I had my own daughter. I feel like it was a magnifying glass on myself with how I interacted with Jenzey. Frankly, it scares me to death. I need to find a healthy outlet to work through these things at some point soon.

Both of those points are hard to swallow. I've acknowledged the issues and not of my own accord. God had to slap me in the face with them and it stung to see it. It stung horribly. However...now that I see it...I need to do something about it. That is where the real hurt and hard work comes in. It's digging up issues that have been buried to help heal. It's challenging myself in the way I naturally think. And surprisingly....both the priorities and working through some of my past pains go hand in hand. That seems to make the task even more daunting.

Please say prayers as I figure how to work through some of these things and I pray you can also work through your priority lists and begin any healing processes that need to take place...no matter how hurtful or difficult.